hats of to the buskers ???

Having worked in the city centre for the vast majority of my working life I have developed a few phobias. Actually Phobias is the wrong word, annoyances or hatreds would be closer, or things that boil my blood so much that they make me wanna bash the nearest person with my Ipod (its old and heavy)

Recently though its buskers who have been getting my ire up. Around this time of year when the weather gets slightly milder they appear in greater numbers, creating more extreme noise terror. AGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Most buskers are amiable chaps with 5 songs to their name a cooky guitar strap and a cheeky grin, and that is why I hate them.
But there are particular types of buskers that deserve a kicking.

1. The Posh Buskers.

Usually found on the main townS shopping street. They usually consist 0f 3 or 4 stuck up teens with sheet music on a stand playing Vivaldi's Four Seasons or other such classical music that has reached the mainstream .(usually through adds ). These perma-tanned musical snobs think they are bringing culture to the common shopper, but really they are just looking for some money that Daddy does not know about, so they can buy some cheap coke for their Saturday night suburban club hell. You know the type of place I mean, a club where the DJ talks and they are always called something psuado glam Sparkle or Crystal.
If you have sheet music and are playing an expensive stringed instrument, you are a not a busker you are a pox.

2. Busker bands with a drummer (and amps or backing tracks)

If you are in a busker band with a drummer you deserve to be kicked to death by school children wearing Irish dancing shoes on a cold rainy Monday morning.
You've all been there, your walking up the street either talking to your mate or mumbling down your mobile phone to your girlfriend about dinner, when for about a hundred yards all you can hear is a incessant snare symbol noise coupled with, a loud out of time bass drum. You cannot think you cannot speak until you are out of the noise pollution zone.
If are in a band with a drummer get a God Dam gig! Its not that hard, really, all you do is contact your nearest club night or venue, then pick a date, pay a security deposit and ring all your mates. IT IS THAT EASY!
I do not wanna hear your crappy band murder "kids" by MGMT 15 times a day.

3. Any busker who has Cd's to sell.

This one ranks up there with the "homeless guy begging with the amusing sign".If you are begging on the street with and your sign is amusing you have not been homeless long or hard enough to deserve any money. Print a sign saying " need cash am desperate" then we might take your plea seriously.
Likewise if you are a busker and you have enough disposable income to print Cd's, you should not be begging through your music on my streets. Seriously you can only get Cd's printed in hundreds of units and if you have that much money to waste you do not need to be polluting my ears when I am innocently out shopping. You have enough money to entertain yourself now be gone.

5 .Peruvian flute bands.
Nuff said.

6. Any busker with a dog.
A look at the Lil doggy ain't he loverly, all tied up lying on the cold hard concrete, beside the twat without a note in his head.
Do not try and work on our sympathies Mr. Busker by exploiting your dog, lots of people have pets but we don't use them to gain cash. Actually if you can find a way to exploit my Goldfish for cash I would love to know, really I would.

7. Any type of street performer.

Yeah I'm talking to you Mr. Moving statue, Mr. Look at me I can juggle everything except a job and a girlfriend. Those smug self satisfied fools who think they have a gift to share with the world.Really they should be out hunting for a life/girlfriend or at home weeping into their pillow wondering why they wasted your life.

All buskers should really give up the pretence and sit there quietly in their dirtiest clothes with a hand written sign and beg.
Or alternatively go get a gig and give the conventional band/singer/circus thing a go. That way we can decide to ignore up until you appear on the front page of the tabloids or when you go on reality TV, because you are clearly that attention starved.
You are no better than the git who plays his favourite chart song through his mobile phone on the bus.
NOW THAT IS REALLY ANNOYING !!!

Pigeons!! kicking against the pricks!

Kick a pigeon. Kick it hard really friggin hard.
Go on you know you want to, you'll feel much better I promise.
Next time you see one give it a swift quick up the plump backside, actually its your duty to do it and I shall tell you why.
Over a 100 years ago pigeons were afraid of man, terrified actually, so much so, that they could only live on their own street,(Pigeon Street I believe it was called).So afraid were they, that would not even walk around the pavement in front of a human.
Now they come up to you pecking at your feet while your eating your lunch,they bobble around on their popcorn foot while you wait for your bus, they steal a crumb from your croissant when you drop some on the ground.
In short they have evolved, they have evolved so much that are no longer afraid of humans. BASTARDS!!
Whats so bad about that I hear you whine? Well evolution does not stop it only gets better.
Monkeys grow opposable thumbs, chameleons learn how to change colour, cats become tame all in order to improve their own species chances of survival.
If pigeons continue to evolve at this rate soon they will be 20 foot tall living in your sitting room hogging the remote control chatting up your missus while you clean up their horrible yellowy green shit.
IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?? A HORRIBLE LAND OF THE PIGEONS WELL IS IT?
So keep those diseased winged rats in their proper place, on the receiving end of your well aimed size 11 boot.

new albums for 2010????????

Yeah I know its a cliche, (but cliche's are overused for a reason Mr. Smartypants), but good things always come in 2's or 3's. And music is no exception (nor Footy thanks Stevie G)

Take 2010 in music for example, after Christmas the music world, (by music world I mean media, blogs,mags, even that hyped up rag the NME), start to focus on the next big thangs for the year.
You have your usual mainstream acts like Radiohead (new album due in the Summer), your solid but not stellar acts (LCD Soundsystem due May) ,your "their first album was great but was it all the hype?" acts (Crystal Castles due early summer) and your " we never heard of you 6 weeks ago" acts (Drums due July).
January is the only time that all these acts are looked upon equally, with hope!. Each word is hung on by hopeful journos and fans alike, and when the artists say "this our best work yet" everyone really, really hope its true.
Then the cold harsh light of January pay day appears and all these musical hopes and dreams are smashed to the floor, 90% of the time. Hot Chips very average album a case in point.
But anyways this year is gonna be an amazing year for music (he says hopefully).
Albums are in the pipeline from all over the musical genres, (I'll get to that later). But as always there is always something to annoy a Crank like me,(after all I am annoyed easily). And that is the fact that 2 of my favourite bands are releasing albums on the same day.
For most people this would be a great day, but for me it means hours of uneasy listening wondering if the other album is as good as i had hoped. Hours of flicking through with my sweaty paws songs getting to their good bits and back and forth and back and forth and so on,,,,,,,,

Its typical that both B.R.M.C. & The Gorillaz are releasing "Beat the devils tattoo" and "Plastic Beach" on the same day. Oh how i wasted minutes in 2009 wishing that they both had a new album (or even a new song) out and now the feckers do it on THE SAME DAY , Cheeky Bastards!!!!
And now I've had a taste of both, I want more more MORE !!
So hurry up Friday March 5Th, so I can work my old cracked Ipod like an old workhorse with a gammy leg.

More albums out in 2010 that will probably come out all in the same week thus making my life that lil bit more complicated include.

The Strokes due Sept bought time.
Mgmt due June/July gonna be shit
Crystal Castes May/Junes gonna be noisy.
Beastie Boys sometime soon when MCA feels better ( he has cancer)
M.I.A. due April/May gonna be bangin bangin.
Foals due Summer gonna be funky and dark.
We Are Scientists due Spring gonna be cheeky
Empire of the Sun gonna be missing a member.
Battles gonna be LOUD!
Metronomy its gonna be sexy.
Amy Winebox gonna be a mess of bad boobs jobs and junk.
All dates are guestimated.

weak days & replays

Well its begun I started a blog, mainly cause I am totally self invloved and think the world needs to hear my opinions, and partly cause I'm sarcastic and grumpy.(well it works for Charlie Brooker).
This evening I got to do one my favourite things in the world and watch football while Zacky made dinnner right after I finish work.
My most favourite thing to do is to Dj , drink afterwards untill about 7am sleep till 3pm get up and watch Liverpool, I know this is about 3 things but hey I dont get to do it that often.

Anyways, so instead of watching my team I got to watch my second team (Barca) play badly for at least 45 minutes and then play average for the other 45 mins.I've had a soft spot for Barca since a few years ago when I was single and got Sky Sports (cue hours of uniteruppted football).
Based on this display Barca dont look like proper contenders and both Man U and Chavski could easily shackle that moody plank Zlatan and cut off the distribution of Xavi & Iniesta.
Incidently the highlight of the match was me explaining the offside rule to Zacky who now is better at it then Graham Poll ever was.
Having watched that match made me realise how little I'm looking forward to Liverpools Europa league match on Thursday, last weeks match was like being stuck in the doctors office waiting for a diagnosis of (possibly) bad news.
So if We do scrape by (yeah I said we, lol) we are assured of some more hard to watch European nights but with no more football on Saturdays for the rest of season, which is unfair for most Pool fans, but for me its great cause I work every Saturday with about 2 hours sleep.And trying to skive of work to watch football requires at least 4 hours sleep, trust me I have done extensive research on this.
So there you go, next time I will be ranting about how 2 of my most antcipated albums of 2010 are coming out on the same day, BLOODY TYPICAL, want to know what they are???
Tough you ll have to guess,or wait and see.

Todays playlist while typing this was Jackbeats essential mix (very wobbly bass all over ma face). "I think I think Ithink I think i like it". It gave me some intresting ideas for this Fridays NoDisKo @ Trainwreck/Crawdaddy when I once again take to the decks with Sometimes Babs, thus explaining the 2 hour sleeps, (see continuity I does it).
excuse my french and my spelling but not my french spelling
Antonation