Kick a pigeon. Kick it hard really friggin hard.
Go on you know you want to, you'll feel much better I promise.
Next time you see one give it a swift quick up the plump backside, actually its your duty to do it and I shall tell you why.
Over a 100 years ago pigeons were afraid of man, terrified actually, so much so, that they could only live on their own street,(Pigeon Street I believe it was called).So afraid were they, that would not even walk around the pavement in front of a human.
Now they come up to you pecking at your feet while your eating your lunch,they bobble around on their popcorn foot while you wait for your bus, they steal a crumb from your croissant when you drop some on the ground.
In short they have evolved, they have evolved so much that are no longer afraid of humans. BASTARDS!!
Whats so bad about that I hear you whine? Well evolution does not stop it only gets better.
Monkeys grow opposable thumbs, chameleons learn how to change colour, cats become tame all in order to improve their own species chances of survival.
If pigeons continue to evolve at this rate soon they will be 20 foot tall living in your sitting room hogging the remote control chatting up your missus while you clean up their horrible yellowy green shit.
IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?? A HORRIBLE LAND OF THE PIGEONS WELL IS IT?
So keep those diseased winged rats in their proper place, on the receiving end of your well aimed size 11 boot.
Was chatting to a lad (president of local pig club, birds that is!!) and he used to eat them but the VP doesn't! I asked why wouldn't ya, and the plaint answer was if you fed them yourselve you would. If you don't I might. Hungry,
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yours,
animal feed
There's only one solution I can see. Get rid of email and bring back carrier pigeons. Enslave them all to do our bidding! Then 90% of their time they'd be delivering spam and wouldn't have time to hog the remote. I'll call the boys in the lab, see what they can come up with.
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